6 Years. Still Gathering Myself.

Today is Thursday, July 25th 2019 but it still feels like Thursday, July 25th 2013 sometimes. Six years ago today is the day I called home to talk to my best friend only to find out from the EMT team and police that she had just died. Minutes before my call.

Life will always feel like a miracle after that day. How I gathered myself after this devastating loss still feels like a miracle. Some days I can hold it together, other days I still fall completely apart.

But because life truly feels like a miracle since this day six years ago, I try my best to gather myself quickly when I fall.


July, my birthday month, will always come to a challenging end when I remember this day. I was out celebrating the 25th day of my birthday month on my mother’s last day on earth. Celebrating all month, a tradition she taught me at a young age, is full of guilt now. I haven’t celebrated all 31 days since 2013.

But this year I felt ready to try. However, not even two weeks in, a few days before my actual birthday July 15th, I had two anxiety attacks. Back to back. And I couldn’t gather myself quick enough in between each one.


I felt hopeless, tired and depressed right before my birthday. And when I couldn’t gather myself in order to get out of bed, let a long celebrate, my village of friends and family near and far gathered their resources, prayers, kind words and time. Surrounding me and lifting my spirit in a way that I desperately needed and will never forget.


I ended up celebrating on the 15th. And 10 days later, on the day my favorite person went to heaven, I am still celebrating. Both my life and hers!

This dress of so many gathering stitches was the perfect birthday dress.


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